There is a view, and validly held too, that young adults are a lot smarter than they give themselves credit for. The truth is, it is very easy to deduce when someone isn’t half as drawn to you as you are to them, or worse still, does not find you remotely attractive at all. More often than not, we just choose to ignore the signs, hoping against hope that our (self-appropriated) charm will change the flow of proceedings.
Specifically, it must be added, women are fully aware of what they want from a man before he utters the first alphabet, heck, they are able to decide if a want a man from the first stare. Whether it’s intuition, instinct, a tinge of spirituality or a blend of all three, they just find a way around figuring out who and to what extent they intend to direct their desires. From the moment a man walks into a room, a lady needs just about thirty to forty-five seconds to determine if she is up for a roll in the hay, a (non-intense) friendship, or something more “emotionally concrete.”
It has been subjected to debate on social media threads and more than a few online forums, but it is almost as clear as R. Kelly’s love for the underdeveloped female form that we are getting to the point, scratch that, we are at that point in Nigerian modern communal existence where women are getting more expressive, and less sexually repressed by the minute. Ladies are no longer afraid to be experimental, to be curious, to go about “physically intense” endeavours without emotion. This may sound dangerous to conservatives, but in the context of today’s social living, non-committal consensual interactions are a lot of fun. In any case, it is a fact (even though not quite in the “studies have shown” category) that a woman who knows what she wants is eight times more attractive.
Away from the concept of Don Juans, as well as stereotypes concerning adult males from a certain ethnic group and their penchant for causing heartbreak, it is pertinent to note that the tendency for a tryst to materialize is twice dependent on the woman’s desire than the man’s lyricism. In colloquial parlance, “nor be una mouth naim go make am off payint (pant)”. Brothers, if you got to hit it, that’s because she wanted you to, not because you have the smoothest tongue in the land. It’s a power dynamic, and like it or not, women hold the aces, even when the contrary appears to be the case. Weaker vessel bawo?
That being said, there’s need to point out the fact that women ARE allowed to make use of phrases and expressions that run along the lines of “hey, I think I like you”, “I’d like to see you some time”, “I miss you, a lot”, “I think you are cute and I would love to hang out”, or “I need us to define this, I want to take this further and I need to know if we’re on the same page.” These are simple English sentences, with few syllables even. With the slippery nature of Twitter and/or Instagram DMs, it can’t possibly be difficult for a lady who has internet access and a (decent) sense of judgment to struggle with making moves in Anno Domini 2019. Communication is key, sweetheart, and we do not have the privilege of enjoying too many years on earth, thus it would be counter-productive to our bodies (and if the digging is deep, our souls) to be coy about our desires.
Intellectualising and posturing aside, we make things appear more complex than they actually are. If you miss someone, all you have to do is to locate where their numbers are in our phonebook. If you like the shape of his beard and just want to sit on his face, or (at the risk of ‘objectifying’) her thickness is comparable to Paula Patton’s and you want to find out skin textures, then make it plain, keeping the mind the obligation to be civil and not be douchey about it. If you are unsure about your respective intentions, ask for clarity. See, “what do you really want with me?” sounds more intelligent than that “what are we?” question that comes midway through the situationship.
Ultimately, be attentive to your gut feeling, that image of the situation in your mind that you’re usually slow to admit to, but deep down you know is most probably the case. Weigh the options, analyse the possible intricacies, and remember that if someone really wants you, there’s no way you wouldn’t know.